Toxic masculinity

Toxic masculinity is a commonly used term, but it's often misunderstood or misrepresented. Masculinity is complex and grounded in societal expectations. Most people find it difficult to challenge these expectations and move past the negative aspects of masculinity.

What is toxic masculinity?

The exact definition of toxic masculinity keeps evolving. The School of Psychology defines it as "the constellation of socially regressive (masculine) traits that serve to foster domination, homophobia, devaluations of women, and wanton violence." These days, most people use toxic masculinity to refer to exaggerated masculine traits that have been glorified and accepted for generations. Some of these traits include:

lack of emotion
strength
dominance
self-sufficiency
sexual virility

Traditional concepts of masculinity or manliness would judge anyone who doesn't embody these traits as not "being a real man".

The pressure to exhibit these traits causes a harmful imbalance in men who try to live up to these expectations. That imbalance can often lead to physical or sexual aggression and control, the inability to show emotion, hyper-competitiveness, dominating those around them, isolation, low empathy, entitlement, chauvinism and sexism.

What to do if you recognise these traits in yourself

Overcoming toxic masculinity requires self-awareness, understanding, and consistent effort to change harmful behaviours and attitudes.

Here are some strategies that can help:

Emphasise emotional expression

An expression of a full range of emotions, not just anger is healthy.

Effective communication

Honest and respectful dialogue about feelings, desires, and boundaries is important.

Challenge traditional gender roles

Recognise that traditional gender roles are often arbitrary and limiting. It's okay for men to be nurturing or vulnerable, and it's okay for women to be assertive or ambitious.

Cultivate empathy

Empathy encourages respect for others' feelings, perspectives, and boundaries.

Practice self-care

Taking care of your mental, physical, and emotional health is essential for everyone.

It may be helpful to talk to a counsellor to explore your attitudes and any changes that you might wish to make or feel daunted by.

How we can help

If you’re looking for support with your relationships, we can help. We offer a range of ways to speak with a trained relationship expert including ongoing counselling, 30 minute web and phone chats, and one session therapy.

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