These relationships have traditionally been looked at with suspicion, with cliches abounding. But like many relationship misconceptions, this is changing.
How many years is a 'gap'?
Official statistics show that generally women in the UK marry men older than themselves, in 2000 the average age gap was just over two years. Many people we speak to think that a gap of 10 years is OK either way, but anything beyond this tends to raise a few eyebrows. However, couples with an age difference don’t appear to have the same doubts and concerns, believing that it is a problem for friends and family, not the couple.
The couple themselves don’t consider the age difference but do sometimes feel they have to justify and explain themselves, to reassure others that their love is based on nothing more than a wish to be together, mutual respect and a want to make one another happy.
Different life stages and expectations
However, there are some things that perhaps require more consideration in relationships where there is an age gap of some note. For instance, having children, different life stages and expectations and health, different levels of fitness and social interests/attitudes; there are probably many more that are unique to the couple, and we mustn’t forget personal age sensitivities. But what really matters is the couple’s level of contentment.
At different ages the age gap can cause different issues, when a couple are 25 and 45 it can seem a large gap, one person will still be starting on their journey in adult life , beginning a career, building up their finances, the older one may be settled , have a near grown up family for example. Twenty years later at 45 and 65 they may be more aligned, however in a further 20 years at 65 and 85 the difference may seem bigger again as one enters old age and may be experiencing some slowing down and the other is starting out on retirement wanting to grasp the adventure of this freedom
A significant gap can mean that the relationship may have a power imbalance, one person will have a longer life experience, and this may lead to them perceiving themselves as the expert or the other seeing them that way . It is also important to consider when an age gap may not be appropriate, for example a 16-year-old and a 36-year-old,
As long as the couple are adults that have the same goals for the relationship then it can and does work ... age should not be a deterrent to exploring an adult, healthy, respectful and loving relationship. It is important for the different issues to be addressed and discussed openly and then it is also possible to find solutions to any problems that may arise. This is true of any relationship whatever the age gap.
In the end, what matters most is compatibility. Set age aside and take our quiz to find out if you and your partner are compatible.
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