Relationships are funny things. Starting a new one can feel like going for a drive in a flash sports car - exciting, fun, a little bit crazy. But then, before you know it, it can feel like more going to the shops in a hatchback - dull, boring and a bit routine. How does it happen? And why?
Getting used to each other
First up, it’s important to say that a little bit of boredom can actually be a totally normal part of being in a relationship. When you’re first getting to know each other, everything is so exciting and all-consuming that, when you finally come back down to earth six months later, it can be a bit surprising and weird. What happened to the butterflies? The constant need to see each other? The marathon sex sessions?
But part of being in a long-term relationship is about getting to know each other normally too. Yes, it’s not as fun or addictive, but it can also mean you develop something deeper and more meaningful - over years, not just months.
Recalibrating
Of course, part of properly getting to know each other can mean getting to know parts of your partner that you aren’t actually as keen on. Here’s the grown-up, slightly-too-real truth: no-one is perfect for each other. Some people are pretty close matches! But, get to know anyone enough and, eventually, they’re going to annoy, disappoint or, yes, bore you at one point.
So being in a relationship can also mean working around the things that aren’t quite so perfect. If your partner isn’t quite as into rock climbing as you are, you might need to find a way to do it without them. Equally, they may need to find other people to come with them to their Russian literature book club, seeing as you were busy washing your hair that night...
Sometimes, this can mean being open and honest with each other about how you’re feeling and what you’re actually thinking. Remember: there’s a difference between saying you’re a bit bored and telling them they’re boring! The key is to focus on your own feelings and try to be kind and respectful.
Getting real
That said, there’s boredom and then there’s boredom. If you feel like the boredom you’re feeling is going to present major issues for your relationship and that it’s not really something you can work around, you may need to think about your future together.
Sometimes, a relationship might stop giving us what it once did. That can happen when circumstances change, and it can happen when people change. Maybe you or your partner are different people to who you were at the start. That’s not super uncommon, especially if you feel you’re still figuring out who you are and trying out all kinds of new things. It can be confusing and upsetting, but it can also be a part of getting older.
It’s still a good idea to talk things through - even if you don’t think you’re going to work out long-term. Sometimes, it’s about ending things properly - so that both of you understand why. If you want tips on this, check out our other article on how to tell someone you're over.
This content has been produced in partnership with Status, as part of their #BetterBreakups campaign.
How we can help
If you’re looking for support with your relationships, we can help. We offer a range of ways to speak with a trained relationship expert including ongoing counselling, 30 minute web and phone chats, and one session therapy.
Find out which service is right for you
How you can help
Have you found this advice helpful? Make a donation to help us reach more people and continue supporting the nation’s relationships:
Can't afford to donate? We understand. Instead, we ask that you leave us a 5 star review on Trustpilot.