Becoming a parent can change your couple relationship it many ways you might not expect. Here we look at how you can adapt to your new life as a family.
Olivia and Andrew* said when their baby was born they had never felt so much love and joy in their entire lives. Sharing the experience of having a child they both were in love with and emotionally invested in, brought them closer than they had ever been.
I’ve never been happier than I am now, being a mother has been the ultimate commitment to our relationship. It has brought perspective to our lives.
Frank and Roger* had always wanted a family so when they finally adopted a child they said, ‘all the silly little things we used to worry and bicker about before suddenly become so trivial in comparison to the importance and magnitude of what we are doing now.’
Every day is about living in the moment, it just brings perspective to everything in your life and your relationship. Nothing else matters now but the health, happiness and wellbeing of your family.
Lina and Tom* had been surprised with some of the changes they had not expected to see in each other.
Before the baby, we used to go out all the time, do stuff, go places, have fun, talk to each other. Now all she wants to do is stay home and watch TV. I don’t even know who she is anymore
Tom puts pressure on me to go out and for things to be how they were before, but things are not the same anymore. I feel like it’s really insensitive, he’s not the same understanding person anymore.
Acknowledge the changes
Your relationship and life will change with the arrival of a new little person and it’s important to acknowledge that and embrace it.
Your schedules may have changed massively and you may not have the same freedom with time or money that you had before, but there are still some good habits you can hold onto from your pre-baby couple time.
For example, Tom and Lina had really enjoyed going for walks in the park on Sunday mornings, but had stopped doing this when Lina was in her final stages of pregnancy.
What is still possible?
Take some time to think about the things you enjoyed during your dating life and see what is still possible to schedule in or adapt to your new lifestyle.
Tom and Lina had also really enjoyed going to the theatre together, so they decided to invest in a box set of classic films to watch after their reintroduced sunday morning walks, so they could recapture the essence of their shared interests.
There will always be plays to watch when the kids are a bit older and we can get out more. In the meantime, we can still connect with each other through our love of the classics.
Get a hobby
It sounds counterintuitive because all you can do right now is think about the baby, but it’s important to hold onto your own identity and keep interested in the world.
Find a shared hobby so it’s something you can do together, or take on individual hobbies so you have something to get passionate about and something else to talk about when you are with your partner.
Even if it’s just joining a local book club, baking bread, or watching old movies together, it’s our differences, opinions and interests that keep our relationships alive and exciting.
Enjoy this time
Remember this is just a phase of your life and as your children get older they will be more independent and less reliant on you. Make sure you really enjoy this special time, keep your relationships strong and connected to grow through it together.
How can we help
If you feel like you need some support in your relationship there are lots of ways we can help
* This case study is loosely based on the kind of scenarios we work with, as opposed to a specific client. Relate never shares the stories of our clients without permission, even with names and details changed.
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