My teen is talking about ending their own life

Suicide is a very complex issue and it can be difficult to identify one main reason why someone decides to take their own life. Often, for young people, it’s a result of problems building up to the point where they can see no other way to cope with what they’re experiencing, the ‘last straw’ so to speak. They can be impulsive and switch moods easily and quickly. 

What problems put young people at risk of suicide?

Problems that might put certain young people at risk of suicide can include:

  • the recent loss or the breakup of a close relationship
  • an actual and/or expected unhappy change in circumstances
  • painful and/or disabling physical illness
  • heavy use of or a dependency on alcohol or other drugs
  • history of earlier suicide attempts or self-harming
  • history of suicide in the family
  • depression or extreme anxiety.

Social media can also create much stress for young people, including pressure to upload photographs, and more worryingly, content on self-harm and suicide. If you can, try to learn what material your child is accessing and talk with them about it.  

What are the signs of a teenager at risk of suicide?

It’s not always possible to identify teenagers who are going through emotional distress and despair; they are good at hiding their feelings, especially from parents.  However, when pressures become too much, your son or daughter may show some of the following signs: 

  • lacking energy or appearing particularly tired
  • appearing more tearful
  • not wanting to talk or be with people
  • not wanting to do things they usually enjoy
  • eating, drinking or sleeping more or less than usual
  • using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings
  • finding it hard to cope with everyday things
  • appearing restless and agitated
  • not liking or taking care of themselves or feeling they don’t matter

How someone behaves when they are suicidal varies from person to person, but if someone starts acting differently from how they usually act, it could be a sign that something is wrong. 

What you can do if you think your child is at risk of suicide

Some of the things you can do if you think your child is at risk of suicide:

Listen carefully to what your child says.

Ask them how they feel. Be gentle and calm so they feel they can talk openly about how they're feeling. 

Try to be accepting and open-minded.

Let your teen know you're here for them, and that they're loved. Reassure them that it’s ok to talk about their distress, however low they feel, and that they have your support. 

Ask if there is anything you can do to help. 

You could offer to contact a GP to explore possibilities of counselling or short term medication, depending on the age of your child.  

Don’t take it personally. 

Your son or daughter might not want to talk to you because you are too close to them. If this is the case you may want to encourage them to talk to someone they feel comfortable with. 

Don’t give them ultimatums. 

They don’t work, and may drive behaviour underground. If someone needs to self harm, they will find a way to do it. 

Try to understand your own feelings. 

You might feel hurt, devastated, shocked, angry, sad, guilty or powerless. If you’re struggling yourself, you might want to talk to a counsellor for advice and support. 

For more advice surrounding suicide, visit our friends at Young Minds, Samaritans, or Papyrus.

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