So you've signed up for a holiday with your mates, booked your flights and checked your passport is in date. But the worry about potential arguments is is lingering in the back of your mind. Maybe you’ve experienced a holiday fall-out with mates before or perhaps there is somebody coming on the trip who you think could start to grate on you after a few days. Luckily, there are some steps you can take to try and keep your holiday stress-free and deal with any conflict without it turning into a shouting match.
Why could conflict arise?
On holiday, everyone is in a new environment without the confines of daily life. This allows for adventure and relaxation together, but without your usual routines, conflict can sometimes arise.
Personal space and preferences might be compromised when away, not to mention tricky group dynamics that can make things tense. Understanding these triggers and knowing when to let things go can help to make things run more smoothly so that you can focus on making amazing memories together.
How to minimise conflict before the holiday
It can be useful to take some steps to ensure a positive experience before you set off so that you can relax when you’re there. Here are some things you might want to do:
Have a pre-holiday chat
Everyone's got their own quirks and if you’re not used to spending extended amounts of time together, there might be new dynamics or things to be aware of before you go away together. Talking about your expectations in advance including everyone’s need for alone time, activity preferences and potential stressors can make sure everyone gets some of what they’re hoping for.
Respect each other's boundaries
As adults, it’s everyone’s responsibility to set and respect boundaries. For example, if somebody says they won’t be drinking alcohol one night as they fancy a quiet one, it’s important to respect this and not peer pressure them even if you fancy a night out.
It’s also helpful to set your own boundaries – perhaps you’re not comfortable with the way a friend is speaking to you, or you fancy a bit of ‘me time’. If they don’t respect this, let them know this is crossing a boundary. More on how to have these difficult conversations later...
Accept your differences
It’s likely you and your mates don’t agree on absolutely everything. Finding understanding for different views to yours can help prevent arguments arising when debating topics or planning activities. Keeping an open mind can help to keep the peace during challenging conversations. Be prepared to compromise and try new things, especially when deciding what you might all do or what you might eat.
How to deal with arguments if they happen
Speak up before you blow up
It’s normal for little things to get on our nerves when spending a lot of time with anyone, even our closest friends. By speaking up when a boundary has been crossed or something has bothered you, you can hopefully resolve any issues before they become arguments. Bottling things up might seem like the best way to keep the peace, but if this leads to a build-up of anger or resentment, it can make things a whole lot worse.
Deal with it head on
It’s also not usually a great idea to vent your frustrations to other members of the group behind the other person’s back. While it might feel good to get what’s bothering you off your chest, this can make the situation even worse and create more resentment and upset within the group.
If possible and safe to do so, it’s best to go to the person directly for an honest conversation. Ask them if you can speak to them about something on your mind, preferably in a private place. Using “I” statements can help prevent people from feeling attacked and getting defensive, so for example you might want to say, “I felt ___ when ____ happened.” This puts the onus on how you felt rather than what they did wrong and facilitates an open discussion. But remember that you are both on holiday so try and sort out what’s upset you now, rather than addressing disagreements that may go back for years.
Be open to hearing the other side
Open communication is really important when working through conflict. We all lose our cool from time to time but understanding the other person’s point of view can help us to see things differently and repair our relationship after an argument. We’re all different, so having a space where we can both listen and be heard can be cathartic.
Take some time out
Knowing when to walk away from a situation can help to prevent hurtful things being said and keep your relationship intact. Differences in opinion and preference are bound to come up, so being able to cool off in the heat of the moment will be really helpful. You can always revisit the topic to resolve the conflict when you’re all feeling calmer rather than hurting each other in the moment.
We’re all human and conflict does come up from time to time. Knowing how to deal with this in a healthy way means that you can navigate these new waters with your mates, rather than letting it simmer under the surface, so you can still enjoy your holiday to the fullest. Try to keep an open mind and be honest about how you’re feeling so you can work through it together.
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